2008新托福TOEFL-iBT独立写作指导(一)

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2008:04:15 15:27:01
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

例一：
Topic:
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Topic Notes
This topic, in effect, equates independence with living apart from ones family. Both broader and narrower definitions of independence and “non-independence” are acceptable as possible responses to the given topic, even though a majority of writers will write to the dichotomy presented by the prompt. Some writers take a general overview and their choices and examples are general and “philosophical.” Others use specific personal examples or personal narratives in their approach to the topic. Some writers lake a specific side of the issue, and others approach the topic b\ discussing conditions under which it is better to move away and conditions under which a young adult might do better to stay longer with the family. All these approaches arc valid, on-topic responses and are judged by the raters on their merits according to the scoring guidelines for this task type.

Score 5 Essay—Sample 1
Every young adults will grow and live apart from their parents to form their own families.
The ages for those young adults to be independent depends on each person. Some people may have to live longer with their parents and some others may not. This essay will discuss the issue of independent life and living with their families for a longer time.
Most young adults prefer to have a seperate or independent life from their parents or families as soon as possible. This is because they have a strong urge for freedom in doing what they desire. But in fact many of them fail. This should not be surprising since often they are actually not ready mentally although they are physically ready. It is widely understood that to live independently requires a lot of energy and Js not easy at all. In this twenty first century, people may need more and more preparation because competition is increasing rapidly. An observation shows that many University graduated students are unemployed. The refore, they will not be able to support and fulfill their necessities.
So living independently at an early age is not suitable for all young adults, some young adults may need to take more time to prepare themselves before going out to struggle. Young adults need to be ready to support themselves. Taking time to get more education and living with their families for a longer time may lead them to a better independent life because they will be well prepared for the hard-life outside. Still, living with their families for *too* long will not be a good idea because they could get to used to it and tend to be less independent.
The time to live independently depends on the person himself. He or she must decide whether they are ready to leave their parents to have an independent life or not. The decision will vary from one person to another. A person should judge that he is capable of fulfilling his needs without being dependent on his parents. this indicates that he is ready for his independent life. Otherwise he might need to stay longer with his parents.

Raters Comments
This well-developed essay meets all the criteria for earning a score of 5. The writer develops the topic through a detailed discussion of independence and of the suitability of living independently. The essay is unified and coherent. Sentence structure is varied, especially in paragraphs 2 and 3. The writer does not use high-level vocabulary, but word choice is correct throughout. There are minor errors (“University graduated students,” “fulfill their necessities”), but these in no way interrupt the flow or meaning of the essay.

Score 5 Essay—Sample 2
Independence! Who doesnt want independece? But the bigger question is how much of an independence is being discussed here? Generally, when teenagers grow up, their needs and habit of living change. Some would like their parents to be in control of the major decisions of their lives, while on the other hand, some would not like their parents to be involved in any sort of decision making process of their lives. In my opinion, the young adults should always consult their parents as their guides. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.
Lets assume a teenager grows up into a young adult. Now a major decision that he/she might have had to make was to what college/university they were going to attend. If we assume that the person seek complete independence from the early age, then they are generally going to make the decision themselves. But even if they made this desicion by themself, what is the probability that this is the best desicion. We all would agree that the best lesson learned is from a mistake, but why even let that happen? This is the most important decision they would have to make so far, and if they dont ask around, if they dont look at the wider picture, how are they supposed to end up at their very best opportunity? This is what is known as a making/breaking point because this decision of theirs can make or break a very powerful potential future.
Now, suppose they passed the first make/break point. Then comes another one when they are going to marry. Normally, in the western culture, the man and the woman choose their marriage partners themselves, so this is not much of an important issue here. But, what about the cultures that predominantly have arranged marriages? In that case, choosing a husband or a wife could be a huge decision, because generally the marriages are not as easily broken as in the western culture. So, when it comes to this point, one would definately want to know their parents thinking and their previous experiance. This could come in very handy when one has a choice to make.
To sum it up, it is very good idea to ask for parents guides, and is never a bad a idea to give up a part of independence for a better future.

Raters Comments
This essay has a rather informal, conversational tone and an “argument” that is coherently an (fully developed. Sentence structure is varied throughout, and the writer consistently demonstrate~ command of language and English idioms, especially by using various informal expression~ (“Lets assume,” “we would all agree,” “can make or beak” “come in very handy”). The essay meets all the criteria for a score of 5.

Score 4 Essay—Sample 1
There are different opinion regarding how long young adults should live with their parents. Some argues that the sooner a young adults become independence is the better while other think that it will be beneficial if they can live with their parents longer. In my opinion both have positive and negative sides. This essay will provide arguments for each case.
Some young adults favor for leaving their parents soon. They want to live free, independence from their parents supervision. The good thing about being independence as soon as possible is that they can learn how to live by themselves. They must think how to support their living, otherwise they will still need the help of their parents and can not be independence. Living in their own will teach them how to be tough in facing real difficulties. But, staying away from parents soon could also lead to negative behaviour if the young adults can not control themselves. They might think that they can do whatever they want with the friends they like. If their friends give bad influence on them, no one will warn them and they can have problems. Thus, I will agree for young adults to become independence as soon as possible if they are already mature enough and able to control themselves.
Parents can help to judge this before they release them.
In the case of young adult is not mature enough, I believe that staying with parents will be better. Parents can provide guidance and help when their children need it. But, if the children is become too dependent on their parents, they will have difficulties in their older lives of becoming independece as the parents will not be available for them anymore. So parents in some way should teach their children about independence, for example by giving them responsibilities that should be handled without supervision. Based on those arguments, I would like to say that either way could be better that the other depending on the maturity of young adults themselves. If they are mature and have selfcontrol then living independently is better, otherwise they better stay with their parents until ready.

Raters Comments
The points made in this essay are thoroughly developed and concretely supported. The essay is well organized and coherent, with a nice flow. What keeps the response from scoring a 5 is the number of noticeable errors in structure and word choice: “Some argues,” “favor for leaving,” “living in their own,” “become independence,” “if the children is become too dependent” None of these errors interferes with meaning, but their quantity and effect earns the essay a score of 4.