2008新托福TOEFL-iBT独立写作指导(二)

文章作者 100test 发表时间 2008:04:15 15:26:57
来源 100Test.Com百考试题网

例二：
DISHONESTY KILLS RELIABILITY
There are certain considerations or factors that everyone takes into account in a relationship. People may look for honesty, altruism, understanding, loyalty, being thoughtful etc! Everyone would more or less wish that the person she is dealing with，has some of these virtues above. Putting them in an order according to their importance, however, can be very subjective and relative.
When someone asks him/herself the question “What do I consider to be the most important thing in my relationship?” the answer depends on a lot of factors such as how his/her earlier relationships were.
After stating that everyones opinion can be different about this, for me honesty, in other words, always telling the truth is the most important consideration in a relationship. Opposite of this is inarguably lying and if someone needs to lie, either s/he is hiding something or is afraid of telling me something.
In any relationship of mine, I would wish that first of all, the person Im dealing with is honest. Even though s/he thinks that s/he did something wrong that I wouldnt like, s/hed better tell me the truth and not lie about it. Later on if I find out about a lie or hear the truth from someone else, thatd be much more unpleasant. In that case how can I ever believe or trust that person again? How can I ever believe that this person has enough confidence in me to forgive him/her and carry on with the relationship from there. So if I cannot trust a person anymore, if the person doesnt think I can handle the truth, theres no point to continuing that relationship.
Although I would like to see altruistic, understanding, thoughtful and loyal behavior from people, an instance of the opposite of these behaviors would not upset me as much as dishonesty would. Among all the possible behaviors, dishonesty is the only one for me that terminates how I feel about a persons reliability. Therefore honesty would be my first concern and the most important consideration in a relationship.

Raters Comments
In this response the writer first approaches the topic by underscoring that a number of character traits are important to a relationship. The writer then effectively develops an argument that unlike other negative behaviors, dishonesty or unwillingness to fully disclose some bad action cannot be forgiven and can be the most important factor in destroying a relationship. The writers language is fluent, accurate, and varied enough to effectively support the progression and connection of ideas. There is a variety of sentence structures, including rhetorical questions. The essay is not mechanically perfect, but as long as such errors are occasional, minor, and do not interfere with the readers understanding, an essay like this one can still earn a top score.

Score 4 Essay
Always telling the truth in any relationship is really the most important consideration for many reasons. I could say that when you lie to someone, this person will not trust you anymore and what is a relationship based on? Trust, confidence, so the sense of relationship is being lost. Another point is that if the true is omitted once, it will surely appear sometime, somewhere and probably in the most unexpected way, causing lots of problems for the ones involved. So, the truth is the basis for everything.
First, confidence is the most important aspect of a friendship or a marriage, or anything like that, so, once it is lost, the whole thing goes down in a way that no one can bear it. To avoid losing confidence, there is only one way, telling the truth, lying will just help throwing it away. For example, a couple decided to go out on the weekend, but the man has a party to go with his friends to where he can not take his girlfriend and then he lies to her saying that he is sick and can not go to the date. She understands him and they do not see each other in that weekend, but he goes to the party and has much fun. Suppose on Monday, the girl talks to a friend that saw him at the party and asked why did not she go with him. She found out the true and all confidence was lost, the basis for their relation is now gone and what happens next is that they break up or if they do not. he will persist on lyes and someday it will end.
What happened to this couple is very common around here and many relationships, even friends and marriages end because of something like that. Some may argue that lying once or another will not interfere anything and it is part of a relation, but I strongly disagree, the most important thing is the true, even if it is to determine the end of a relation, it must be told. There are more chances to end something lying than saying what really happened.

Raters Comments
This essay earned a score of 4. it clearly develops reasons why lying is a bad thing, with a first paragraph that introduces the writers position (“truth is the basis for everything”), a hypothetical story in paragraph 2, and a final paragraph that entertains and quickly dismisses a possible counterargument. All this amounts to solid development of the idea. The response displays facility in language use through a variety of sentence structures and the use of clear transitions between sentences. However, sometimes the writers sentences include noticeable errors in word form (“if the true is omitted” “lying will just help throwing it away.” “lying once or another”“persist on lies”), and in some places the writer extends, or “runs on”a sentence to include many steps in the argument when using two or more sentences would make the relationships between ideas clearer. “Some may argue that lying once or another will not interfere anything and it is part of a relation, but I strongly disagree, the most important thing is the true, even if it is to determine the end of a relation, it must be told.”

Score 3 Essay
Some people believe that it is one of the most important value in many relationships to tell the truth all the time. However, it cannot be always the best choice to tell the truth in many situations. Sometimes white lies are indispensible to keep relationships more lively and dilightly. There are some examples to support this idea.
Firstly, in the relationships between lovers, it is often essential to compliment their lovers on their appearance and their behavior. Even though they do not think that their boyfriend or girlfriend looks good on their new shoes and new clothes, it will probably diss them by telling the truth. On the other hand, little compliments will make them confident and happy making their relationship more tight.
Secondly, parents need to encourage their children by telling lies. Even if they are doing bad work on studying or exercising, telling the truth will hurt their hearts. What they need is a little encouraging words instead of truthful words.
Thirdly, for some patients telling them their current state of their desease will probably desperate them. It is accepted publically not to let the patients know the truth. They may be able to have hope to overcome their desease without knowing the truth.
In conclusion, it is not always better to tell the truth than lies. Some lies are acceptable in terms of making peoples life more profusely. Not everybody has to know the truth, and it will lead them more happier not knowing it. In these cases, white lies are worth to be regarded as a virtue of peoples relationships.

Raters Comments
This essay focuses on explaining why “white lies” are sometimes appropriate. The explanations here are “somewhat developed.” Each example supports the writers main point, but in every case, the writer does not say why the positive effect of the “white lie” outweighs any negative effect. There is inconsistent control of structure and vocabulary, with some errors in both structure and vocabulary obscuring meaning: “keep relationships… delightly,” “will probably desperate them,” “making peoples life more profusely,” “it will lead them more happier not knowing it.” These weaknesses and errors earn this essay a score of 3.