扩展部分的写作 关于扩展部分的写作，很多写作教材从写技巧的方面有说明，什么举例啦/比较啦/讨论因果啦,……等等。当然这些技巧是有用的,问题是什么时候来用，没有一本教材告诉大家,这是做不到的。这样一来，既使大家知道了这些技巧的说法，却仍然不能写出像样的文章。其中有两个可能重要原因:第一，引入段落中没有主题陈述，造成扩展部分没有依托，不知从哪里下笔；第二，有了一些想法，但却不知道这些想法中哪里需要扩展。这只是我读考生作文练习作品的推测，当然也不排除在写扩展部分有其他原因。 其实，扩展部分的功能就是对引入部分中主题陈述的说明，也就是将主题陈述中最关键的那一点写清楚。如果那一点可以分为多个方面来说，那一般情况下扩展部就应当有相应的几个段落。如果要将这几个方面放入一个段落来写，那得有相当高的语言、结构能力才行，否则容易写乱。 对于扩展部分的写作，首先要将主题陈述分方面、分小点，每一个小点应是一个分观点。然后对于这个分观点中哪一部分是关键词语（当然有时候整个语句都重要），后续的句子就可是说明、释义、突出意义等等策略使用，以写作中举例、因果、过程描述……技巧来体现。 举我上面对willingking第一段修改后的最后一句为起点（那一句是控制全篇的主题陈述）来说明。来源：www.examda.com 这一句是主题陈述。其中主要信息是the personal computer turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people。而这一句中关键词语是murdering time and energy而已。因此下文只须扩展这两点即可，也就是让读者看，电脑如今是如何糟蹋相当一部人的和精力的。 那么文章的第二个自然段就应当围绕第一个方面:murdering time来扩展；第三个自然段围绕murdering energy来扩展。在考研中可以将这两个自然段合而为一，不过要很好地使用过渡词语，以表明这两点之间的关系。 当然第二段的写作，一般不会直接说the personal computer murders the time of those who indulge in it. 这里须要将murder换成consume，因为主题陈述中的murder原本就一个比喻的用法，这里还原本义。但是还原本义之后，却不能体现作者的态度了，解决办法是添加副词来修饰，以表明作者的态度。顺便说一句，形容词、副词不是随便用的。用它们是为了准确表达，增强文章的表现力。这里可很简单地加上worthlessly, 或uselessly，insignificantly …，但不能用meaninglessly。这样第二段的开始句（主题句）便可轻易地写出来了。The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it./Those addicted to the personal computer always spend worthlessly their time on it. 有了主题句，后面就该围绕这一主题句中consume worthlessly/spend worthlessly进行扩展，这个语词可称作这一段落的支配观点。如何扩展呢？先来分析一下这个短语中到底含有什么：第一，consume/spend，耗费时间；第二，worthless，毫无价值，甚至有害。 关于consume/spend的扩展现在已经变化的很清晰了，只要写出电脑耗了那些人大量的时间就可以了。至于怎样表现大量时间不须我再说了，举例就行了。 然后扩展worthless，这里也很清晰了，只需写出这些时间毫无回报，甚至有害，也是举例就可以了。见下文。 As is shown in the picture above, a hand is tightly glued to a computer mouse linked to a personal computer by an iron chain. Clearly, the iron chain stands for the control of the computer over the person who indulges himself in the cyberspace. An implication from the picture can be figured out that the personal computer, a high-tech device originally created for saving time and energy so as to benefit humankind, ironically turns out to be a gadget murdering the time and energy of quite some people. The personal computer worthlessly consumes the time of those addicted to it. A survey shows the average time spent on it of those addicted amounts to 16 hours a day. And the minimum continuous time spent on the computer is 12 hours, while the maximum soars surprisingly to 168 hours-a whole week! Needlessly to say, the computer has eaten up their time for work,for sports and, worse still, their precious time for rest-a natural activity for refreshment to keep the body functioning normally. The personal computer has also depleted their vigor. In the survey, almost all those computer freaks feel sluggish in their jobs. They have lost their interests in outdoor activities. Some even become so feeble that they sweat when standing for a short while. It seems that they are being burned out by the high-tech monster. willingking的第三段析评: What should be done to cope with this severe phenomenon? In the first place, we must advertise more on this subject by mass media, in order to keep folks informed of the harm of abusing computers. In the second place,an education campaign must be launched, particularly among the get-use-to-computers young people. In the third place, the government should pass through relevant laws to limit on-line games. All in all, the whole society should try their best to solve this problem.来源：www.examda.com 【总体评语】 第三段willinging总体上写得不错，提出了具体的解决办法，呼应了文章的一开始，没有走题，不错。问题在于办法虽多，却基本上没有写清楚为什么可以用这些办法的理由。这样一来，办法的可信度、意义就大打折扣了。 【技巧评语】 还可以。但还是显得欠灵活。其实，只需提出一种办法，说清楚它的好处就可以了。另外，第一句像是凑字数；这一问是不必要的。另外最后一句并没有能够围绕这一段中的前面三个办法来总述，显得大而无当。这似乎也是很多初学英语写作者的通病,喜欢大发感慨。 【语言评语】 罗嗦。第一句当删除。第二in the first place，可改为firstly； 后面的至少可改为we must inform them the harms from abusing computers by the mass media；所以第一句可以改成To solve the problem, we must inform them the harms of abusing computers. 后面的类似，不再赘言。总的来说，语言过于追求复杂，使得要点淹没于眼花缭乱的词语和句式之中。